Becoming Like Jesus: How to Handle Conflicts and Disagreements
APPLICATION ARTICLE | Lee Edgar Elkins | Jacksonville, Arkansas
How often have we mishandled a conflict or disagreement with someone? As currently practiced by our Western culture, anytime there is a conflict or disagreement, it is safe to say that an argument is likely to follow if it has not already taken place. Over the years, I started to see that I did not always have to attend every argument I was invited to. Another thing I began to realize in my life is that not every disagreement has to turn into an argument. Unfortunately, this is typically what takes place in our society.
What is conflict? It is a serious disagreement that can sometimes last a long time. Eventually it leads to a reality of incompatibility. This is a trait that must not be found in Christians. Some may quibble at the idea we must withdraw fellowship from unfaithful Christians. I am not denying that reality. Discipline in the brotherhood has taken a back seat for many and it shows. Discipline does not excuse poor behavior for anyone. Withdrawing fellowship from the unfaithful does not allow us to ignore our duties as Christians.
Those who are followers of Jesus Christ must not allow the world to influence our disposition towards others with whom we may have a conflict or disagreement . (Romans 12:1-2) In presenting ourselves as alive to righteousness and holy – we are set apart for worship and active service to God. If we are conformed to this world, we are fashioning ourselves to our former lusts (1 Peter 1:14). We cannot serve two masters (Matthew 6:24). Christians must think and behave differently than the world.
Consistency helps others, for doing something the same way gives a sense of fairness and accuracy. If we are consistent it means we will be unchanging in nature. Consistency is something that can make or break relationships. We’re told Jesus is the same yesterday, and today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8). Many have erroneously concluded that Jesus was permissive with poor behavior. In our “religious culture,” people portray Jesus in a way that is simply not true. Some tend to think that Jesus was this extremely feeble, soft-spoken, naïve man. Some even see Jesus as a doormat to justify their evil behaviors and responses. Perhaps you’ve experienced this in your own life. Have you ever taken a stance on something, maybe defended yourself or another innocent individual, and the troublemakers in the situation exclaim, “That is not very Christ like!” The issue is not that you are being unChrist-like, the problem is they are not getting their own way. Bullies are not concerned with things that are right or true. If they recognize that you are a Christian, they will use every tactic known to man to try to get their way. This is called manipulation. Jesus did not have to manipulate anything to His favor. He simply did what was right for the current need of the moment, every single time. The same people who argue that you are not being “Christ like” when you defend truth or what is right, forgot that Jesus got a whip, turned over tables, poured out the coins of money changers, and drove them all out of the temple (John 2:13-16). Those who use manipulation only operate within the perimeters of convenience. This must not be true for Christians.
There are principles laid out in God’s word to prepare us to handle these difficult situations. Conflicts and disagreements can become intense in the blink of an eye. Sometimes we may disagree about something that has nothing to do with us personally, but still get offended because the other party to the discussion is not accepting our view. How often do we lose control of ourselves simply because we failed to keep our composure? I am reminded of the principle we have in Proverbs 15:1, telling us we need to keep our emotions in check. A soft answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger. The Apostle Paul addresses the same as he describes to us the fruits of the Spirit. Love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). Further in the text, he said those who are in Christ have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. These things (passions and desires) include behaviors and attitudes which are not to be named among us. (Galatians 5:24) Was there ever a time when Jesus became angry? Sure (John 2:13-16). Was there ever a time that Jesus become emotional? Absolutely (John 11:33,35). It was a matter of consistency with the Lord. Jesus never became unhinged or behaved irrationally. In Ephesians 4:31-32, Paul cautions us about more behaviors and attitudes: Bitterness, wrath, angel, clamor, evil speaking, malice. Not once did Jesus ever exhibit these kinds of behaviors. What is our excuse? We are to be kind to one another, compassionate, and to forgive each other.
There are many instances when Jesus addressed conflicts raised by the Jews, religious leaders, and even His own disciples. There’s not enough space to go through every single one of them, but let us just consider a few.
John 5:1-18 A sign of healing occurs for a man who had been an invalid for 38 years. A conflict arose in which the Jews approached this healed man for carrying his mat on the Sabbath. They asked, “Who is this man who said to you, ‘Take up your bed and walk?'” Instead of rejoicing, they are under a false persuasion that this man has broken God’s law. They failed to acknowledge that the great healer (Jesus) had come. In their frustration, there is no doubt they are now becoming anxious. We know that we are to be anxious for nothing (Philippians 4:6). But look at their response to Jesus after finding out it was Him who healed this man. The Jews desired to kill Jesus (John 5:16,18). He doesn’t take their bait and argue with them about how healing is not a work or a violation of the Sabbath. Jesus goes the other direction and proves how He is accomplishing work and why it is acceptable, even on the Sabbath. These Jews knew exactly what He was saying. They knew that only God could work on the Sabbath. There is an old phrase that I grew up hearing all the time, “Can’t see the forest for the trees”. This is exactly what happened to these Jews. Sometimes we get ourselves too involved or too wrapped up in the details of a problem to look at a situation clearly. The Jews had the Messiah, the Son of God standing in front of them, and they couldn’t see it. They were too wrapped up in their traditions. In conflicts, sometimes it is not about answering the specific questions asked. To provide solutions, sometimes you have to go to the root of the problem. If you get a headache every single day, that is a sign that you may have a health problem. If all you do is treat the symptoms and do not try to get to the source, you will always have those headaches. Jesus is getting at the root of the problem.
Matthew 15:1-20 Jesus makes a bold statement by saying “Every plant that my Heavenly Father has not planted will be rooted up.” To whom is Jesus talking? Evidently, it must be to religious people who thought that they were of the Lord. It is safe to say that when we read about scribes and Pharisees coming to Jesus, it was almost always with ulterior motives. Jesus was very direct with them – why were they willing to break the direct commandments of God? He understood they were more concerned with their rules than God’s commands. They were hypocrites. They had a heart problem. What about us? Our worship is no better than theirs when we do not draw near to God with the proper heart and attitude. This behavior nullifies God’s word. Jesus never nullified God’s word.
Matthew 16:21-28 Jesus knew His purpose. Sadly, people today know about the death of Jesus and will go to church a few times a year to “commemorate” it. In doing so, they fail to appreciate what the death and resurrection of Jesus is supposed to mean in their lives. Even the disciples of Jesus had to learn about this. Jesus’ words to Peter may be one of the strongest rebukes in all of scripture: “Get behind me, Satan! You are an offense to Me”. Peter is fully aware that Jesus is the Christ, that He came down from Heaven, sent by God, in order to save the world. Peter was told that Jesus must go to Jerusalem and die. He then takes Jesus aside to tell Him that this could never happen to Him. Why would Peter suggest such a thing? He knows who Jesus is. Jesus had walked on water, cast out demons, fed thousands of people, healed people, and raised the dead. Surely Jesus could keep Himself from dying at the hands of these Jews?! The only way He could die at their hands is if He allowed them to do it. Jesus must lay down His Own life for God’s will. There is no doubt this was a temptation for Jesus to avoid the cross. Jesus calls Peter a stumbling block, a cause for sin. Jesus had just said that He must go to Jerusalem but now this thought creeps in, He has the choice whether or not to go to Jerusalem. Jesus is being tempted to avoid the cross. This is not the first time that this has occurred (Matthew 4). What does Jesus do for Peter? He tells Peter that he is not thinking about the will of God. Jesus overcomes this temptation by constantly desiring to give glory to God and always thinking about the purposes of God. The mind of Jesus is set on the ways of God but at this point, Peter is not focused on God’s way. The apostle Paul reminds us to set our mind on things above (Colossians 3:1-3). Jesus consistently taught others to do the same.
I pray that this study will help in our journey of becoming like Jesus. One of the major things we see from Jesus in His interactions with others is the fact that He was consistent. Jesus was consistent with His disciples and towards the religious leaders of the day. There is no doubt in my mind that this plays a major role for us in our relationships with others. Are we willing to teach others and become active listeners to strengthen our relationships with one another?
______________________________
October 2023 | GROW magazine
