How To Love My Brothers
APPLICATION ARTICLE | Jacob Hudgins | Little Rock, Arkansas
Just before dying, Jesus gives instructions to his disciples. “A new commandment I give you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:34-35). Love for our brothers is what most closely identifies us as connected to Jesus. This is how people will know that we are his.
Paul writes 1 Corinthians to a fragmented church and at odds with one another. They have divided allegiances, disputes that have gotten out of hand, separations in taking the Lord’s Supper, and divisions based on the perceived importance of their spiritual gifts. Yet none of these is the core issue. The root problem is a lack of love. So while Paul addresses the other problems throughout the letter, his goal in 1 Corinthians 13 is to describe how love acts.
Love is one of those frustratingly nebulous ideas that we struggle to define, identify, and put into action. We often think that we love because we feel warmth toward others (or at least don’t hate). Paul teaches me how to love my brothers.
I love my brothers by being patient and kind. “Love is patient and kind” (1 Cor 13:4). Sometimes my brothers and sisters are demanding and insensitive. Wrapped up in their own little worlds, they don’t consider how their expectations, judgments, and words affect me. I love them when I am patient and kind, giving them my understanding, responding to unpleasantness with warmth, and treating them better than their behavior deserves. At other times, my brothers are weak. I need them to do more in the local church, or respond better to hardship, or understand the word more deeply. I love them when I am patient with them, giving them room and time to grow into the person God wants them to be. This does not mean that there is no place for frank conversations about improper behavior, but that such talks are preceded by and soaked in patience and kindness.
I love my brothers by not being envious, boastful, or arrogant. “Love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant” (1 Cor 13:4). Sometimes my brothers and sisters do great things. Their God-given talents help them excel, and they are honored—in business, in the public sphere, or even among other Christians. I love them when I respond to their success by celebrating them instead of envying them. When others excel, I love them by not taking it as a statement about me. At other times, my brothers and sisters are respectful and submissive. They try to praise and honor me. I love them by not being boastful, assuming I deserve their praise or growing proud. Sometimes my brothers and sisters are themselves proud and selfish. They treat me disdainfully, denigrate my service, or insult me to make themselves look better. I love them by not competing with them—by not puffing my own chest out—by never becoming arrogant myself.
I love my brothers by not being rude and demanding. “it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way”(1 Cor 13:5). Sometimes my brothers and sisters are rude to me. I love them by not responding to their rudeness with my own. When others treat us unkindly—even our brothers, spouses, and friends—we often feel justified in firing back with the same intensity. They started it! Yet love is not rude. At other times, my brothers have foolish opinions (in my judgment). Our ideas and viewpoints clash strongly. Yet love “does not insist on its own way”—meaning that I am not only concerned about what pleases and helps me. I do not have to be right. Sometimes I love when I allow others to steer the conversation, project, or decision—without bitterness. Love does not have to get its way.
I love my brothers by not being irritable or resentful. “It is not irritable or resentful” (1 Cor 13:5). Irritable people are easily provoked and angered. Something is always bothering them. Sometimes my brothers and sisters are irritating, but I can love them by not being irritable. Instead of always looking for conflict (“what did she mean by that?”), assuming the worst (“I know why he didn’t come to the party”), or venting my frustrations (“I just can’t stand him!”), we seek to calm tensions and give others the benefit of the doubt. At other times, we have real conflicts with our brothers and sisters. Hurtful words are said, and damaging things are done. In such situations, I love my brothers and sisters by not being “resentful”—not holding bitterness toward them, staying angry, or always bringing it up. I love my brothers by not holding grudges or slandering them to others. I love them by letting our past go and moving forward.
I love my brothers by supporting them in good. “It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth” (1 Cor 13:6). Sometimes I will notice my brothers struggling with sin and growth. They will get stuck in ruts, or they will stumble publicly, or they will say something that reflects immaturity. I love them by not even considering how their struggles reflect on me. I do not pat myself on the back and think about how much better I am than they are. I do not condescend when I talk to them. I do not seek to be a hero and rescue them to feel great about myself. All of these are “(rejoicing) in wrongdoing.” Instead, I love my brothers by supporting them in their efforts to do good. I celebrate their repentance. I encourage them and check up on them. I commiserate with them because I know what it is like to struggle with sin. I praise their good work and acknowledge their growth. I love my brother when I rejoice with the truth.
I love my brothers by not giving up on them. “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends” (1 Cor 13:7-8). Over the course of years, we get used to our brothers. We know each other’s quirks. We have our share of difficulties and run-ins with one another. Sometimes we strongly disagree. Yet we also help each other up when we fall. We also do battle together against false teaching and evil. We encourage and support each other. The temptation is that over the course of so many interactions together, we get frustrated and walk away from each other. “He’ll never change!” “I’m so sick of her!” “I’d love to just start over with totally different people!” I love my brothers by staying with them and working with them despite the frustrations it brings. Paul is well aware of the many serious problems in the church at Corinth, yet this doesn’t lead him to throw up his hands and walk away. Instead, he doubles down on his efforts to teach them and help them grow. I do not love my brothers by thinking about what they do for me. I love them by continuing to stay with them when they are exasperating, galling, and seemingly hopeless because of our long history together. Love doesn’t give up on people.
The temptation in all of these situations is to be reactive to my brothers’ and sisters’ moods and behaviors. It is easy to become frustrated with their imperfections and overlook the need to bear with them. Paul teaches us to respond lovingly—not seeking to please ourselves, but to truly help others. This kind of love is not merely a feeling but a carefully considered active response.
Far too often, our relationships with our brothers are based on what they do for us. We love other Christians who honor us, help us, or give us something. We love being a part of groups where lots of others do things for us. We also enjoy people who are forever kind and loving to us. Yet Jesus teaches us, “For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even tax collectors do the same?” (Matt 5:46). He challenges us to love others who are not particularly lovable. He wants us to care about others who offer us little. The entirety of the New Testament demonstrates that this type of love is at a much higher spiritual level. It will challenge and exhaust us. Yet without such love, we will continue to have problems like Corinth—fragmented, immature, self-serving churches full of people always on the edge of dividing.
Jesus says that “by this all will know that you are my disciples: if you have love for one another” (John 13:35). Do you love your brothers?
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January 2021 | GROW magazine
